MONEY WON'T SUPPLY YOUR SOUP SPOON
by Richard Daughty (aka The Mogambo Guru)
Editor, The Daily Reckoning
September 14, 2007

The Daily Reckoning PRESENTS:
"And the effects of the Fed 'considering the broad economic effects' is going to be equally as bad, which brings up the perennial question 'And just what in the hell is that supposed to mean?'"

If you want to know the kind of news that makes my heart lurch with an audible "Urk!", it is perhaps best exemplified by the knowledge that the money supply is rising at a rate of over 14% per year.

If you are innocently asking, "Whose money supply is rising so alarmingly that inflation in consumer prices will destroy that country, and therefore a terrific strategic plan would be to set up underworld contacts and smuggling routes now, in preparation of making a fortune in the arms and contraband smuggling racket, as the future becomes a bitter class struggle between the government and desperate, rebellious citizens?"

I begin my enlightening answer with a joke to lighten (get it? Lighten and enlightening? Well, screw you, too, then!) the mood, in contrast to the heartbreak of raw reality. So, I say, "It don't make no damned bit of difference whose money supply! Somebody is freaking doomed! Hahahaha!"

My lonely laughter echoes across the auditorium, and I see that I got no laughs with my lame attempt at humor. I make a mental note that the audience is either a bunch of stupid chumps who wouldn't know real comedy if it came up, lifted its leg, and peed on their damned shoes, or they are so smart that they understand the frightening inflationary implications of a rapidly expanding money supply and are unable to laugh at the horror of it.

Either way, I immediately reveal that it is, alas, the U.S. money supply that is growing so fast! Gaaaaah!

So if you never had the pleasure of hearing me say, "We're freaking doomed!", prepare yourself for a real treat, as I will now use a famous line from Marlon Brando's portrayal of Fletcher Christian in Mutiny on the Bounty as I bellow, "We're freaking dooooOOooommmmmed!" in your stupid face and urge you to pray to "whatever pig-god you pray to" to be somehow magically spared the inflationary horror.

I know that you don't believe me, and I would have no respect for you if you did, so instead I will turn to Addison Wiggin of the 5-Minute Forecast, who cleverly reveals the truth with some adroit juxtaposition, and first presents Bernanke as soothingly saying, "It is not the responsibility of the Federal Reserve - nor would it be appropriate - to protect lenders and investors from the consequences of their financial decisions", and then immediately qualifying that remark, "But developments in financial markets can have broad economic effects felt by many outside the markets, and the Federal Reserve must take those effects into account when determining policy." Hahahaha!

I love this! Now, the next time one of those snotty little social workers comes over here, knock, knock, knocking on my door, complaining about my stupid kids acting like the destructive little juvenile delinquent morons that they are, and always coming up with the same tired conclusion; the father is at fault! Me! It's always my fault!

And so I always ask them, "My fault? How in the hell can it be my fault when I keep them locked in their rooms so that I never have to even see them or their faces at all, ya stupid government morons?" and they just push past me like I'm not standing in the doorway and proceed to "rescue" everybody!

Now, thanks to Ben Bernanke, I can proudly fling open the door and say, my eyes flashing and my voice dripping with smarmy contempt, "I know that it is the responsibility of a parent to teach their children not to be worthless, criminal trash, but now so many people make their living from them, such as law enforcement personnel, bail bondsmen, bartenders, lawyers, jailers, graffiti removers, streetlamp repairers, beer can picker-uppers, automobile recovery and repair industries, whole swaths of unemployable social deviants who make a living selling drugs and contraband, social worker morons like you wallowing around in the mess and blaming innocent fathers, and many other people 'outside their sphere of influence' that all now have to be taken into account when determining Proper Parental Policy Response (PPPR). So why don't you take your little forms, and take your little court orders, and take your big, nasty butts off my property? Hahaha!"

And this new legal maneuver of being mindful of "broad effects" is going to be sooOOOooo sweet at work, too! So sweet!

And the effects of the Fed "considering the broad economic effects" is going to be equally as bad, which brings up the perennial question "And just what in the hell is that supposed to mean?" For an answer, I turn to Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR) Michael, who writes of his "90-year old parents" watching the "goings on in the world and stock market" through the eyes of direct experience. He goes on to say that "they thoroughly believe that their generation has failed to convey the proper morals-beliefs to the B-Boomer generation, and even less to the generation following. They say the result is that we have to replay the 1930s all over again, except much worse."

The good news is that they "offered a few more suggestions" about lessons they learned the last time the Federal Reserve acted like a bunch of buttheads and created the Great Depression by creating too much money and credit:

"1. We hope you can sell that foreign car you spent too much money for.

"2. Get a good pair of shoes as you will need them to walk from place to place while begging for the jobs you sent overseas.

"3. Obtain good negotiating skills, as you will have to go low enough to displace foreigners you have let in to our country illegally because everyone wanted to profit from under-priced labor.

"4. Eat right. You don't think a hospital will waste resources on anyone over 50 do you? They did not back then!"

The funniest and most practical advice was:

"5. Obtain a favorite cup and spoon, because even at the soup kitchens of the 1930s, you had to bring your own."

© 2007 Richard Daughty
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Richard Daughty is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the editor of The Mogambo Guru economic newsletter - an avocational exercise to heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it.

The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron's, The Daily Reckoning and other fine publications.

You can sign up for a free subscription to the Daily Reckoning here: http://www.dailyreckoning.com. This essay was originally published in The Daily Reckoning.