The
Trojan Horse?
The Prophylaxis of Safe Financial Sex as Bundled Loans Sold on the Champs ElyséesIn our view, the Trojan Manufacturing Company, makers of fine health aids, will have to go into Bachman Turner Overdrive to produce enough product for Fannie Mae to have safe financial sex with the taxpayers' money with all those bundled loans that are hangin' out there in the global markets [a lot of which are bleeding on Main Street America]. At Fannie Mae, company representatives we talked with today insisted Mr. Raines will open his coat [kimono] and lay bare all the naked facts and figures surrounding this imbroglio. Meanwhile, a call to the Ramses general headquarters produced a repeat of what the Trojan Top Gun Exec Gurus said. They feel that their product may not shield investors properly from what they described as a market run amok, what with all the pumping and dumping in the mortgaged backed arena. Well tickle me pink if I grin on that opener, you might even catch a ‘flash’ of a set of Ole Bear’s pearly whites, Folks! Welcome to the world of Jumpin’ Jesus Raines Dancin’ Naked [barking at the moon] Down the Champs Elysées – everyone’s new religion paradigm! Une peu americaine chocolat de fondant [fudge chocolate candy] pour vous, n’est pas? The Next Microsoft – Back to The Past or Mop and Tickler?The Wall Street mantra is ‘always be on the lookout for the next wave,’ ehhh? [Rogue Wave, perhaps?] We, at Realty Reality, have lolly-gagged and cajoled – to the best of our ability, all of you unsuspecting investors into not blowing your loads of cash assets [legal tender fiat paper funnie monie] on (or in?) the Trojan of all horses – Fannie Mae. While we sincerely hope this bubble is never pricked, we have – true to French Tickler form, we might add, been taking a walk on the wild side looking ahead with the insight, we all, are repudiated to possess. [ShakesKirbyean—Bearean Aside: Please note and appreciate the Sybilesque soliloquy, ”Thank you very much!”]. With all the blood that’s flowin’ already and goin’ to be a runnin’ in the streets, we two [if we miss our medication – four, if we see double?] pundits, at Realty Reality – have decided in our collective wisdom, that we shall get a head start on the competition and apportion a healthy, but ‘measured’ sum of our strategic reserves into an enterprise that possesses the technological means to produce. Are you, Dear Reader, ready? – MOPS! Now y’all [colloquial Mississippi Delta talk for you all! Or Youse Guyyys in Canadian Parlez Vous, if you prefer!] probably are wondering what the heck we’re thinking about, getting into a dissertation on MOPS so early on in the git-go for, ehhh? Well, that’s simple – it’s an ancient concept [introduced by the Romans] called CLEAN UP. The concept is likely to be updated in the ‘near term’ to modern ISO 9002 standards by the Chinese [along with Japanese pom-pom waving from the sidelines]. Hip Hip Hurrah! Or Hippety Hop, Hippety Hop, Dead Cat Bounce? If Fast Mel Martinez Can Lose $59 Billion at HUD, Do We Really Need the Rhinestone Cowboy? Thunderbirds Are a Go? – Ford Motor Company and Fannie Mae?
Catch a Falling Star and put it in your pocket…. Save it for a rainy day…? Not with my Microsoft, you’re not! Perry Como made a big hit in 1958 with his recording of Catch a Falling Star by Vance and Pockriss. Hummm… 1958 was a very Recessionary year… the ’58 Fords and Edsels looked like something from Moon Base Alpha – unlike the 1957 Fords and Mercurys which were kinda cute, the 1958s sucked for air [isn’t it funny how sex and cars have always ‘gone together’] about as much as the 1959 through 1963 series. It wasn’t until 1964 that Ford produced either a Ford or Mercury that the public would buy. Stupid is, as stupid does, according to Forrest Gump. The Ford Motor Company missed the boat making the ever popular 2-Seater American Dream [Ho Humm,,, another favorite corporate logo, Our Business is the American Dream, perhaps?], the Thunderbird, a four-seater. The Joys of Sex, Boys and their Toys……. or just… Back to the Future? Make note that back seats were of great financial benefit to the folks [shareholders] at Trojan and Ramses. We hope without prior knowledge – or they may very well have stiffened the resolve of the Michigan State Attorney General regarding illicit ‘insider trading’ charges. Folks are really stupid at Ford Motor Company in Detroit… it only took ‘em about 42 years to bring the 2-seater Thunderbird back… proof in the pudding that even a limp corporate America won’t take a back seat to anybody! By the way, are they completely on Prozac, Quaaludes, and Speed when they design paper plastic automobiles with no chrome, or just under the influence of John Daniels’ from Lynchburg, Tennessee – under government control and regulation to produce? Somewhat like investors and taxpayers [contributors] for/to the GSEs [charity]? The Rhinestone Cowboy to the rescue [ehh, provide the cover-up at Fannie Mae?] should provide some great entertainment, when we all follow the money. Grin, to Lady Catherine of Fitts, who gave up her Ford for a really cute Austin…
This is pretty much all-simple stupid, and much like the Charlatans under Raines’s corporate command. U. S. Consumers on a debt-load of speed, in Fannie Mae Mudd up to their knees – are just pain in the asset-wise stupid! Money market fund intermediation and playing with family’s cash in investment houses on Wall Street? Not in your life, Brother Raines [Alleluia! Let’s all sing in church!]. We know your Huckleberry! Treasuries in a mutual fund money market are real cash stashed [praise the good Lord], as long as there are accountants with footnotes in the Belly of this Horse. Perhaps there are two horses [sets of books]? We doubt either could pass a fitness test [audit]. Now we get it – back to our golf lessons at Pebble Beach! Open up the Prozac bottle so we can really swing! Hey Bear, where is the John Daniels’? Only God Himself, may be able to tee up lost accounting footnotes and hit ‘em square with a One Iron for a great Tee Shot! Some [if you want to call 12 billion some] lost shareholder [baaah, baaah, fleeced – no wool there!] value and your provincial market cap with financial fudge smoke and mirrors! Somewhat more like mortgage river boat gambling more than the game of golf, ehhh? Well, isn’t Wall Street a fun gambling casino? Perhaps, with these horses! If we get a big enough Buick to pull the Trojan Horse Trailer Queens, we can probably run ‘em by R&D at Trojan Manufacturing before we take to the Great American Road [Dog and Pony show?]. Although T-Birds are a go on the Champs Elysées in Gay Paree, ‘Vettes [the older the better] are tres chic – and much easier to peddle paper [mortgage backeds] out of than just any old Buick!
Can Jesus walk on Perrier as well as the Sea of Galilee? – Perhaps, but when it Raines on the Champs Elysées, we ain’t so sure about Jumpin’ Jesus Franklin. Jumpin’ Jesus may need a Big Ole Buick with a 455 and 4 Barrels of Monkeys [derivative monsters?] to float his boat? We hear that Fannie Mae may have put a Tiger [of Woods] in their tank now to improve their swing – now that’s a high octane horse of a different color! The
Main
Man with a One
Iron… Dang Me! -- Where
is Elvis! … We realize that only God can hit a One Iron with any real accuracy. Sorry, Tiger, you’re good, but not that good hitting at Markets and the Green [hummm, pun intended!] Perhaps Ole Man Ozark’s ferreting out the FDIC CAMEL and the real Loan to Deposit Ratio at the 9,000+ FDIC Insured Institutions is something Judge/Attorney/SEC Rhinestone Cowboy can also cover up while he’s mucking out stalls in the barn of our favorite GSE fudge, Fannie Mae? When you consider, Tiger, that the Good Lord isn’t in the phone book and is still Number One, the power of prayer becomes a more absolute… it could improve your game? Perhaps you should show Mudd and the Boyz how to take a whack at them thar [as Ole Man Ozark would say] accounting footnotes – we suggest starting ‘em out with a foot wedge and whittling your way down to Numero Uno.
Hello? Hey Rob, pick up the other line…. It’s our Buddy… Elvis! He’s offering to chauffeur Sporkin over to Fannie Mae in the Purple ’55 Caddy! Elvis and Jack [of Daniels’ – we call him John] were both too big for their native Tennessee and had to take their shows on the Great American Road [Dream?]. Now that Elvis has left the building, we see the Rhinestone Cowboy [of Sporkin fame] has taken his road show and moved on over to ‘the big house’ – Fannie Mae Headquarters in Greater DC/Virginia. We are told Elvis’ custom purple 1955 Caddy convertible has a really big trailer hitch on it for pulling legs, dual sets of books, toxic derivatives waste and horses of different colors. What? – with all of Fannie Mae’s assets purely convertible into cold cash, according to their Full Court Press – the color purple is good! It works for us! Elvis said he… could use his red ’55 T-Bird for the chauffeuring… but he really hated to drive it… it seems like the Memphis newspapers down there in Tennessee didn’t really believe Elvis drove Fords. They gave him quite some bad press a while back when he had sneaked out late at night from Graceland going for chittlin’s and hot wings. We gave Elvis Sporkin’s phone number on the East Coast – to work out the chauffeuring details with the Rhinestone Cowboy. Rhinestone Cowboy….? 59 Billion….? Pink Pony? HUD….? Purple Pony? Derivatives ….? Red Pony? Hedges……? White Pony? Hummm… makes no difference to us, Elvis, when all that glitters is not gold.
If there’s a bustle [explosion or implosion] in your hedge book… Don’t be alarmed now… It’s just a spring clean [mopping up] for the reg – u – lators Yes there are two paths you can go by… But in the long run – There’s still time to change the American Road you’re on… [but we don’t think you will]. Hey, it’s great to have friends in the music business! Elvis said he had never been to the Champs Elysées in Gay Paree… but if he did, he either wanted to drive Greenie’s ‘Vette [or one of them Bernanke Ferrari’s with a printing press in the assets end] down the sucker… Stop for a Cappuccino in one them thar open sidewalk cafes, and just look at the chicks…making investments as they sauntered by, buying GSE mortgage backed paper. I didn’t know the man was that smart in the music business! He’s got this stuff all figgered out. What a Guy! We told Elvis, “Thank you very much! – We’ll get back to you in a day or so. We had to run by Trojan Manufacturing Company first with our two ponies [mine black, his brown]. The Ole Buick Deuce was raring to go.”
Sorry Tiger, there really are no quick fixes or stairways to heaven in this world. You know you can’t print a new swing, Pal – remind Sporkin, Raines and their Trojan Horse buddies when they’re playing through. Mebbe you too, Tiger, can catch a falling star? One Size Does Not Fit All??? Oooops! Houston, we have a problem!We just got word from the Bear Cub that some lenders are making loans on invisible houses that just ain’t there, and moving the mortgages up the lender pipe food chain. Hummm…That’s what we call an invisible accounting footnote, and very difficult to hit with a one iron. Invisible houses and mortgages make for invisible accounting footnotes? Tiger, we think you are going to earn your money at Fannie Mae, Pal! In this mop and pail game of financial monopoly. Fore! Where is the Prophylaxis?
© 2004 Rob Kirby & Gale Bullock, Realty Reality |
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GLOBAL
REAL ESTATE MARKETS FORUM
Only
God Himself can really hit a One Iron! Tee Up Them Accounting Footnotes,
Pal!
Ring……..
Ringggg……. Ringggggggggggg!
Note
to the Rhinestone Cowboy Sporkin: And It Makes Us Wonder….?
